(Full disclosure, Blogger deleted my almost complete draft and what was going to be really great post is now just going to be here. Disregard the part about no meltdowns today, I got one in under the wire.)
Into the Everglades...
Y'all - for the second day in a row - NO MELTDOWNS! Either we're getting better at this, or everyone has just accepted their fate and surrendered to the awfulness (or the last couple of days have just been lower demand, that's also possible.) Auggie was on the bubble of one and I said, "Keep it up and I'll give you a meltdown tally!" And he just ... stopped.
We got up in time for hotel breakfast this morning, yay. Sadly for Sam, not only did we not get room service, this hotel doesn't even offer room service. Poor Sam, forced to exist in the world of normal hotels like the rest of us. He did tell us earlier on the trip that he "prefers condo hotels" meaning he likes it when we get a suite and he can sleep on the pullout sofa instead of two queens. Also, Auggie knows to ask for cranberry juice at breakfast. #notmychildhood. The hotel had pink waffles, so of course, Auggie had one (with whipped cream, natch).
My research had indicated that we needed to be at Shark Valley by 8am. I think maybe not so much in mid-summer. We got there slightly before 8. The gates did not open until 8:30. Somehow, I am still married.
Although I had goofed up our reservation for the tram tour, it was not sold out (see again, mid-summer) and the team there very generously just moved us to the right tour. The tram tour is about two hours, fifteen miles round trip with a twenty minute stop at the observation tour halfway for photos and potty breaks (they prefer you do these activities separately). We saw a lot of gators, but at this point, we're harder to impress. The gators are also hot, and prefer to just kinda lounge in the water, so we didn't get the experience of lots and lots of gators just lined up on the side of the tram road like some of the online photos show. The guide was good, and did a decent job of explaining the specific Everglades ecosystem, but he did not live up to Nick from the Okefenokee or Sam's beloved Kayla. I really wanted to bike this, but none of the other three of them was going to be down for that, and the decision to do the tram tour was the right one. Just before the tower, there is a short hiking trail, we ducked off on that and were immediately swarmed by mosquitos. I thought I knew mosquitos. I did not know mosquitos. Until you have seen your child literally covered in mosquitos, you have not experienced an authentic Everglades trip. Yes, we sprayed them with DEET (you know me). Yes, I had headnets on them. It was still ... something. Auggie wanted to go down the tower before Sam and Lyle were ready. He said, "We both have our running shoes on, let's try the trail again." We tried the trail again. This was not a good choice. Although the mosquitos are prolific, they're really not that smart, and you can just kinda brush them off or smash them. Also, weirdly, none of us have the usual itchy mosquito bite hives. Sam and Lyle shockingly didn't manage their time well and made the whole tram wait while the guide went back to the tower to retrieve them. Somehow, Lyle is still married.
We were not the people on the trip with the worst kid today! There was a very hot, very unhappy child in front of us (estimated age, less than 2) that basically screamed its head off for most of the trip. We gave it animal crackers and looked like heroic, experienced, prepared parents! Where were our friends from the Okefenokee boat trip for this moment, huh??
After Shark Valley we began the "not not my parents roadtrip" part of the trip. Small "scenic stops" where there wasn't much to see. Excessive heat, ridiculous bugs. Being forced to unbuckle and climb into the back for snacks for the adults. In an attempt not to hew TOO closely to the year of our lord nineteen hundred and eighty-seven, we did allow them to use actual toilets (and I washed the blanket - and by washed, I mean in an actual washing machine, not with dishwashing detergent in the hotel sink - and that only had orange juice spilled on it, not pee!); we let them have sugary snacks and bottled drinks; there was no vomiting (possible correlation from not being forced to witness one's siblings using the dreaded potty bucket); and, as previously established, electronic devices exist beyond the level of the calculator.
First stop, Big Cypress Bend. Pretty cool in that it's a different ecosystem. Sadly, we did not see any panthers here, but Sam did spot a gator. The child is weirdly gifted at gator spotting. Before he saw that one, he was debating methods to attract one and suggested we could try throwing Auggie in. Auggie had to be reminded that was not an acceptable strategy to go to the hotel sooner. You can tell we've seen a lot of crocodilians, because the featured fauna today was this weird grasshopper. It really should have been the mosquito, of which we took approximately 7.8 million with us in the van when we left.
After Big Cypress, we stopped at H.P. Williams. We saw four gators right off the boardwalk. They surfaced for Lyle. Much was made by Sam and Auggie that they were not stomping loud enough for the gators to wake up, but Daddy was. Presumably, stupid tourists feed these gators often enough that they've come to associate people on the boardwalk with food. Still, very cool, and maybe the biggest we've seen in the wild.
We stopped at Kirby Storter after that, hoping to see alligator nurseries, but sadly, the boardwalk had been destroyed and that stop was a bust. From there, we finally caved to demands to take the children to the hotel. Pizza, pool time, tablets. Auggie asked me if I had anything pink for him to wear. Like, buddy, you've been mine for 7 years now, and you've had your pink nightshirt the whole trip, but yeah, obviously I have pink things for you.
