Epic Crocodilian Road Trip Day 5

Let me lead with the biggest first....  NO MELTDOWNS TODAY!

We got breakfast at the hotel.  (Sam informed us he prefers room service.)  We got to the St. Augustine Alligator Farm Zoological Park just in time to catch most of the 11 o'clock Realm of the Alligator show.  Then we started down the Land of Crocodiles exhibit when Auggie decided that he couldn't survive in his pants, so he and I went back to the van to change into shorts.  Lyle had the van key.  Back to the Land of Crocodiles.  Back to the van.  Shorts, yay!  By now, Sam and Lyle were having dippin' dots and lemonade.  I traded Auggie for Sam and we went to the 12pm feeding.  The difference between this place and Gatorland is stark.  This is an accredited zoo, and it shows in the way the staff talks, the way the exhibits are kept, the enrichment opportunities provided and so on and so on.  This place has the most species of crocodilians at one facility anywhere in the world (they used to have all of them, but 2 new species have been discovered).  We had a 12:30 behind the scenes tour that was great.  Auggie had my phone (remember, NO MELTDOWNS!) but it was fine.  We got to see hatching and we got very close (but behind fences) to some crocodilians that are off exhibit.  After the tour we saw the rest of the exhibits (and Auggie FINALLY saw caimans!).

We realized that we'd left Lyle's ballcap at the restaurant last night, so we made a quick detour to retrieve that and then headed south.

The rest of the day was basically driving.  We got Chick Fil A, we got more ice, Auggie and Lyle got naps, and Sam and I listened to our bad book (the latest installment of The Wandering Inn series).

We got to Miami about 9.  I did hotel laundry (note to future me:  pack rolls of quarters, laundry doesn't cost a dollar a load anymore).

Tomorrow we head into the Everglades finally!

Sam's rankings so far:

Croc Encounters 

Okefenokee

St. Augustine

Gatorworld

Sam's rankings are heavily influenced by his assessment of the guides' knowledge and entertainment value.

Auggie's rankings 

Gatorland - b/c they have a baby albino alligator 

St. Augustine - b/c they had caimans

Okefenokee

Croc Encounters - b/c it smelled terrible and was too hot

Lyle's rankings:

Swimming in the ocean w/ the boys 

[Redacted]

The rainbow over the lazy river in Orlando

Okefenokee 

My rankings:

I refuse to rate them because they've been really different experiences and not comparable apples to apples, but if you forced me to choose then Okefenokee.

Enjoy the photos!

Epic Crocodilian Road Trip Day 4 - Dinner

Yes, we fed them.

Lyle picked a place using his normal utter lack of planning and forethought.  As usual, it worked fine and called into question my entire worldview.

(Note the enthusiasm!)

Auggie had a half meltdown because his tablet died.  I am an utter failure as a parent because I didn't bring a charging brick.  I know this because he told me so repeatedly.  When it became clear this was escalating, I took him out to the car and left Lyle to get dessert to go and pay the bill.  This endeared me to absolutely no one.

Sam did his math tutoring session (shoutout to JerryB!) from the care like the jetsetter that he is.  Auggie and I played Kanoodle in the front seat and Auggie muttered the answers to Sam's math questions under his breath in a condescending tone.

On the way back to the hotel Auggie explained that he could just tutor Sam in math, at which point Sam tried to stump him with math questions and failed.

Then, Auggie's pink 3D printed lizard (Sparkle Crystal) started telling everyone they were failures.  Things included in Sparkle Crystal's list:  MarMar's bees that Sparkle Crystal has never met on account of just joining the family yesterday; Daddy's chocolate milk, which is widely acknowledged as being top tier; JerryB; MarMar (obviously, see previous discussion); Daddy; Shadow, etc.

Meanwhile, Shadow (Sam's 3D printed gator from yesterday) has announced that Sparkle Crystal needs therapy and that while Shadow does agree with some of Sparkle Crystal's observations, Shadow prefers not to say those things out loud because people's feelings might get hurt.

Seriously guys, this is happening.

In other news, pretty sure we're not doing an epic road trip for next year's vacation.  Lyle will be in charge.  He will do no research or advance planning.  We will have the best time ever and both children will rave about how he is naturally gifted and clearly superior in all things.

Half Meltdown Counter:

Sam: 4

Auggie: 8

MarMar: 6

Lyle: 2

Meltdown Counter:

Auggie: 3

Sam: 0

MarMar: 1

Lyle: 0

Chick Fil A Counter: 2

Bags of ice: 6

Epic Crocodilian Road Trip Day 4

 Okay, today's theme is flexibility and resilience.

Blackout shades let us all sleep past 10.  First win.

We scrounged fruit and the leftover beignet bites (I too am shocked that there were leftover beignet bites).  Lyle went to the Starbucks in the hotel and came back with drinks and the all important lemon loaf.

We put the kids in sunscreen and forced them to go to the beach.  I think this is the warmest I've ever been in the ocean.  The beach was fun, but we reasonably quickly adjourned to the pool.  Putting them in the water, second win.

Showers.  Naps, third win.  Maybe dinner at some point.

Let's discuss how this is not the roadtrip my parents would have sponsored...

1)Although we are driving enough that it's crazy and Lyle hates me, we did not attempt to drive straight to Orlando after work on Friday.

2)Although we do have coolers with cold drinks, we do not allow nausea inducing lunch meat in the coolers.

3)We stop when people have to pee.  The van has neither a "potty bucket" nor a "pee blanket".  (Yes, I have occasionally had to let one of them pee into a Yeti in the pickup line.  Trust me when I tell you the potty bucket was worse.)

4)We actually let them eat fast food.  (Okay, I have to admit that my mother did a better job of feeding people on trips than I do.  Some of our meltdowns are related to hanger, and that could be at least partially avoided if I followed her lead more closely.  However, see previous statement about nausea inducing sandwich stuff in the cooler.  Some of this might be PTSD.  Also, my mother does a better job of feeding people than I do in pretty much all circumstances, not just on road trips.)

5)Hotels that have doors that open to the hallway, not the parking lot.  

6)Room service as a thing that is not just read about in Eloise books.

7)Personal electronics exist, not just digital wristwatches!  (For better and for worse.)

Tomorrow we return you to our regular crocodilian programming!

Half Meltdown Counter:

Sam: 4

Auggie: 7

MarMar: 5

Lyle: 1

Meltdown Counter:

Auggie: 3

Sam: 0

MarMar: 1

Lyle: 0

Epic Crocodilian Road Trip Day 3 Part 2 - Mistakes Were Made

All right, let's talk about yesterday...

So as I said, Croc Encounters was awesome, but Auggie had a hard time.  This is a lot to ask of a kid who is a)not as obsessed with crocodilians as his big brother and b)sensitive to sensory overwhelm like heat, crowds (even if the absolute number is low, but there are just too many people within a square mile of him), and stinky alligator pits.  It's not a super long tour, maybe a little more than an hour, but he was done.  

Our plan for the day was to go from Croc Encounters to St. Petersburg and spend the afternoon and today and a pretty cool resort there on the beach.  We have friends in the area that we would have liked to have seen, but that was always going to be a stretch.

Here's what actually happened... we didn't get lunch after Croc Encounters.  We should have.  We had cold drinks in the car, but that wasn't enough.  We let them have tablet time in the car, but we probably didn't give them enough warning that it was time to turn them off.  Our room wasn't ready, but the pool was.  We took hot kids out into the heat without a clear idea of where the pool changing area was.  Auggie had a big meltdown.  I had a half meltdown.  Sam and Lyle both had half meltdowns independent of mine and Auggie's.  There were too many people around too small of a pool (especially in comparison to the destination level pool from the previous hotel).  I took Auggie back to the car, where we sat in blazing heat ignoring each other and playing on our devices because we were mad and dysregulated.  Sam and Lyle came back to the car.  We decided to bail entirely on what should have been a pretty nice place to hang out and one I'd put some effort into finding and arranging.  We got Chick Fil A.  I called the resort in St. Augustine that I'd previously considered and they found us a room that worked for us.  People got electronics and naps (except Lyle, who is obviously carrying the burden of his poor life choices here) and the situation slowly improved.

We got to the new hotel in time to get the kids in the pool.  This pool, while not as big or cool as the one in Orlando, did meet their requirements.  (Thank God!!). We got pizza delivered.  Sam had his online math tutoring session.  Everyone is speaking to one another again.

Tomorrow is another day (and it's a planned off day with no agenda beyond the pool).

If I had this to do over again, we'd have just stayed at the Orlando hotel and made the Croc Encounters a day trip (only about an hour's drive each way).  The pool there was a major hit with the kids, the room was ideally suited to our needs, and we could have rented a cabana for the off day. 

Obviously, feeding people in a timely fashion is important.

I kinda can't overstate my own frustration level with this, both in trying to manage the kids, in trying to manage myself (in reaction to the kids, but also just in general), in trying to raise kids who aren't total screen addicts while also recognizing that sometimes those screens are the only things that keep me from feeding them to the gators, in recognizing the level of privilege that we're just *squandering* here, and the failure in planning (a thing that I usually pride myself on).

Here's the pic I sent my sister when she told me it was amazing I was holding it together. 

Half Meltdown Counter:

Sam: 4

Auggie: 6

MarMar: 4

Lyle: 1

Meltdown Counter:

Auggie: 3

Sam: 0

MarMar: 1

Lyle: 0

Epic Crocodilian Road Trip Day 3

We checked out of the hotel this morning and headed for Croc Encounters in Tampa.  First, however another in the "aren't you glad they don't have one closer" category.  Beignets and Brew.  We got the box of 72 minis.  It pains me to say these are better than mine.  We would eat a box of these every week if they had one at home.

Croc Encounters is a small rescue facility.  They take in a ton of "nuisance gators" aka ones found in swimming pools and residential areas.  They also have pets that have been surrendered or seized.  Although their really cool blue-and-yellow macaw did not drop the F-bomb he is know for, he did say hello, which was fun.  Sam's favorite animal today was the monitor lizard.  Auggie's favorite animal was the Nile crocodile, presumably because it's as difficult to get along with as he is.  Seriously, this was a tough day for him and we were very appreciative of the patience of our guide and the other people on the tour.

Sam says today was the best day so far, largely because our guide, Kayla, was so funny and knew stuff.  Okefenokee was second best because we saw so many gators and they weren't in enclosures.  Gatorland was great but third.

This vacation is exceeding his expectations (he told me so) and he's thanked me twice, so it's exceeding mine too.

Half Meltdown Counter:

Sam: 3

Auggie: 6

MarMar: 3

Lyle: 0

Meltdown Counter:

Auggie: 2

Sam: 0

MarMar: 1

Lyle: 0

Bags of ice purchased so far:  4

Apps purchased in defeat:  1

Epic Crocodilian Road Trip Day 2 - Part 3

Whoever planned this trip (spoiler alert:  it was me) deserves a lot of credit for picking a hotel with a great pool and recognizing that significant pool time would be key to the overall success of the venture. 

We came back from Gatorland fried; changed into swimsuits and went straight to the pool and things were soooooo much better.  We got out an hour or so later when the thunderstorms blew through.

My godson surprised me by meeting us for dinner.  I didn't think we had time to make that happen on this trip and him being willing to ride his motorcycle (yes, he's cool, I mean, obviously) an hour each way just to hang out with us for a little while made me feel like an absolute rockstar.  Love you, Isaac! 

Back in the pool after dinner.

Tomorrow we head to Tampa!

Epic Crocodilian Road Trip Day 2 - Gatorland

Okay, let me just say this.  If you have a crocodilian obsessed kid, you owe it to them and yourself to take them to Gatorland.  I don't care how kitschy and "Old Florida" you've heard this place is, we had a blast.

Feeding gators, watching the jumparoo, holding a gator.  This was a big day for our guys.

Hotel pool after Gatorland was a lifesaver.

I've decided to start counting half meltdowns, because I feel like our halves are the worst part of other people's week.

The number of people who stopped me to tell me some version of how dangerous it was to let Auggie mess with turkey vulture feathers was... something.  I don't know, I mean I appreciate people trying to look out for each other.  But one, check your facts.  Two, we're literally waiting in line to go into the alligator enclosure, but you're worried about the feathers?  Okay.  Three, let me show you what's going to happen if I draw a hard line about this... your neurological kids are not my kids.    In other news, if upcoming reports feature zoonotic diseases or bird lice, well, maybe I'll rethink my position on this topic.

Enjoy this photodump.